Three years ago when I set out on this adventure, I had no idea what would happen. I just knew I needed to forge a new trail. Those who know me, quickly realize I have no sense of direction. The way I move from point A to point B may not make sense to anyone else, but somehow I make it to where I need to be. We all have our internal road map that leads us. We have our own time frame and our own rocks to stumble over.
Its a new day. The rain has stopped and the sun is glowing over the mountains. I woke up this morning with this phrase spiraling through my head: You must journey inward in order to travel outward. The words just spiraled themselves in and settled down ready to get working. Looking back on how far I have traveled inward and outward I realized a few things. First, I needed to find out who I was down at the root. You know, the YOU that you buried so far down that it is sitting on your tailbone. Accepting and loving who I was without needing anyone’s approval or understanding was hard but worth it. Not a lot of people understand why I think the way I do and judge or mistrust the intentions. What is the saying that is going around these days , “Be Kind Anyway”?
What does that mean to me? Now that I have a better understanding of myself and my journey, I can look at another person and accept them for who they are and where they are on their journey. Before I would try to make whoever it was understand ME and where I was. How could they if they hadn’t gotten there yet? Then I would sit in judgement of their journey: Well! How could they NOT understand? I tried to control their learning curve without allowing them time and space to learn in their own way.
I got clean with myself, centered, and went forward with kind intentions. If others felt uncomfortable and lashed out in some way, I was able to not take things personally anymore and remove the emotion from my end. Reminding myself that they are on their own journey and will learn the lessons they need, I was still able to Be Kind Anyway. Kindness is always the right thing to do. It values yourself. It values the other person. It holds a space for people to come together without judgement, just acceptance and love.
Be Kind Anyway does not mean be a doormat. Let’s be clear. It is being clear with your core, intentions, and heart. By not taking in the high emotions from someone, you are able to be compassionate for their journey. They need the kindness. If someone is lashing out at you for some reason, they are really hurting inside.
One of the things that Lyn, my mentor, has taught me over the years is to sit on my hands when I felt the need to participate in a conversation I shouldn’t. Sometimes, what a person needs is for you to just hold the space for them to be able to express what they need. I did that Thursday night. After dinner, Alex was doing the dishes and talking about life and projecting out 2 years ahead with what needs to get done. I sat there, quiet, and what I heard through the words was the underlying reason for the conversation: I am frustrated, I am stressed, and I am scared about the future. Soon, he turned around and said “You are usually so talkative. How come you are so silent tonight?” It’s not my conversation to engage in tonight (especially after lots of wine!).
My silence diffused the conversation and the bluster blew away. He needed the space to express and release, not for me to tell him anything. What I have already learned about fear and stress about the future, he is learning now..in his own time and in his own way. What I know, for myself, is not to attached to the outcome, that things work out in ways you don’t expect, and you cannot control the future. You can plan for it, but you can’t control it. That is the hardest lesson for people. My calmness in the face of something fearful is not apathy about what will maybe happen, but awareness that I will be ok no matter what.
This is a new spring for me as I sit and watch my loved ones struggle on their journey. I wouldn’t take the lesson or learning experience away from Mina because she needs it to grow, so why would I butt in on another’s journey to grow? What I can do is be there for them when they need it. I provide a safe emotional “home” , a little shelter to rest in before moving on. I have a lot of hope for the future as I have watched my loved ones around me grow into such beautiful beings! They are traveling on their beautiful adventure towards loving themselves again and they shine!