As I was doing some research for this blog, I came across an interesting fact: Otters hold hands while they sleep so they don’t drift away. How could that example help us Humans in our relationships?
So much is written about Skin to Skin contact with our newborn babies: Promotes bonding, lowers stress, kicks in the parasympathetic nervous system to bring the body back into balance.
How come it isn’t equally emphasized within the parental relationship as well? Feeling connected to each other kind of requires a connecting point or touch, right? Maybe more so in new parents to maintain balance amidst the transition from couple to family.
I feel that so many couples fall into the trap that intimacy is only reserved for a certain time of day in a certain sort of way. Looking back on my previous marriage as well as talking with others about the dis-connect with their current partners, it comes down to time.
A common misconception is that to maintain intimacy take lots of time and energy which seems hard to “schedule” in amongst all the kid’s activities.
I am here to tell you that is a lie we tell ourselves.
Twenty seconds, multiple times a day, does not add up to a lot of “time.” My ex and I drifted because we needed different things. I constantly asked for time and touch while he needed to space to work his stuff out. There was no balance on any level because we were only thinking of our own needs individually, not our needs as a couple. Then when Mina came, I felt there was no time when he needed my time. We both understand that now. He and I had a really good conversation a few months ago, just him and I, talking for the first time [really talking and listening] in almost 3 years. We admitted failings and lessons learned. Growth comes as we take those lessons, each of us, into our new relationships.
It is an important part of our [Alex and me] relationship to make time throughout the day as the girls run like wild animals. The girls understand that there is time during the day when we are all together as well as time apart, Kid alone time & Parent alone time.
I guess our family takes after the Otters: The girls snuggle and hold onto each other at night while they sleep in one room while Alex and I fall asleep, most nights holding hands under the pillow.
There is something very comforting about that.