A Helping Hand

It’s a rainy day here in Salt Lake City and I just got back from Costco. I waited for Alex and the girls inside the front entrance and had the opportunity to people watch.

The shopping carts were wet and it is Costco’s custom to wipe down the cart’s handle for the incoming customer. Some people welcomed a nice dry handle and some were visibly uncomfortable with the worker intruding into their space. This got me thinking about the concept of helping others and being open to help from others.

I am slowly feeling more comfortable with accepting help from others, but it is a struggle for me. I am the helper, the giver, the One-Who-Does-Everything for everyone except herself. Recognizing that isn’t a healthy attribute to foster, I have had to learn to let go and be OK if someone offers help. Letting go of the “failure” notion is hard, but as much as I think I am a Super Hero-I am not.

The more I have become aware of the concept of Help and the intention behind the act, I have learned to ask questions before automatically jumping in to Save the Day (remember, the super hero part from above…).  These are the random thoughts and questions that run through my head when a potential helper/helpee situation occurs:

• What is your intention behind your need to Help:  to feed your Ego or to really help the other person?
• If someone wants to help you, what feelings bubble up: gratitude or embarrassment from not being able to do it?

My go to question when I see someone in need of assistance is to ask a simple question: How can I help you with that? The other person has the opportunity to assess their situation, think about what sort of help they need, if any at all. All the Ego’s are set aside for the time being and collaboration can begin.

With this in mind, I think back to the Costco worker and her task to dry the carts. Maybe a simple question such as May I dry the cart handle for you would have created an openness between worker and visitor. It gives the Costco visitor an opportunity to allow the stranger into their space or not. Help is a choice, whether to give it or to receive it. The next time the need to help surfaces inside, take a step back and ask a few questions before jumping in to save the day.