My Amygdala hijacked my brain the other day. I felt it: my breathe got quicker, I stiffened, felt defensive with a surge of emotions. It’s all “why’s” fault. That one little word sent my brain and body into a tizzy.
Since starting down the coaching road last year, I learned about that little part of the brain called the Amygdala that is the Fight or Flight sensory area. From an evolutionary standpoint, the Amygdala helped us survive being eaten by Lions or Tigers or BEARS, Oh my!! However, it is not always a physical threat that ignites the fight or flight response. Certain words trigger an emotional sensitivity, more specifically, the word Why.
Once I learned of this last year, I drastically cut down and have tried to cut out that little word from my vocabulary when speaking to others or the girls at home, replacing it with a more curious question: How Come? Asking “How come?” invites thought and does not attack the other’s decision. In this way, I have been able to draw out long, more elaborate answers and pushed the girls to think in a slightly different way.
My circle of friends and associates has expanded to include coaches of various sorts and that little word, Why, slowly disappeared from general conversation as well. Life proceeded along it’s Happy Happy Joy Joy way until Sunday when Alex and I sat down to work on a PowerPoint project I had started. He simply asked “Why did you do it this way?”, quite calmly, curious, non-judgmental, but that one word pushed a button and I felt the need to defend my process “ItwasallIcoulddoandittookmeamonthtofigureoutandthiswasthebestIcoulddo!!” Words fell over themselves as I tried to catch my breathe and keep from crying. Recognizing that I was obviously not ok, he smiled and said he was trying to help me and was just wondering what my thought process was. There was no ill intention, just one little word.
It was such a powerful example for me of the importance on how we choose our words when we speak with people. The lesson had begun in the virtual classroom, but the life lesson really cemented its importance.