“How do you balance it all?”

As I have moved through the process married->divorce->single parenthood->Blended family + starting a new career, I am asked a lot of questions from the curious spectators of my life. The most common is “how do you balance it all to get what you need to get done DONE?”

Let me first preface all of this with the fact that I am a recovering Type B personality working towards more order: Some days I am a B+/A-, some days I am a C. In order to maintain order, I had to restructure my life and find out what works and what didn’t. I need a calender and a list to maintain my balance as worlds intersect and sometimes collide. By knowing what I have to do next or where I need to be, I can proactively  plan well most days.

One of the hardest lessons I needed to learn was to put my needs at the top of the list. I needed to learn to make myself a priority in my own life. That may seem like a no brainer to most, for me, it takes practice and scheduling myself in. I took baby steps, beginning with regular appointments at the hair salon to color my hair. Then, I moved into the concept of dressing up for work even though I am sitting at my dining room table writing. When I feel pulled together, my works flows easily. I can easily shift from Mommy-brain, to working Lady brain. I am reminded about how far I have come usually the day I get my hair done and go to pick Mina up at school. Inevitably, a mom that I casually know will be astounded that I was able to go to the Salon to get my hair done. She can tell that it is a Salon visit and not a box dye job because the Blue in my hair has been touched up. Yes, I am THAT mom that has dyed her hair blue! It is my tether to my wild side from when I was younger and a reminder that I can still be fun and a mom at the same time.

Next came the constant TO-Do list. My productivity goes up when I allow myself the time to make a list and prioritize. My looking at everything for the week on a piece of paper, I can assign a day, group like things together, and see how much time to allot to each task. Multitasking is my favorite activity! What task will take the longest that I can begin now? Then, I can begin and complete other tasks until the first one is completed.

I have also learned to look at a certain task of want, isolate the important element, and focus on that. For example, a home cooked meal is important for our family time. Am I going to stretch myself to make the full meal and home made dessert from scratch : where is the focus – Meal vs. dessert. Sometimes, a home made apple pie may trump the meal. Sometimes, the meal is so time consuming that all I have left is microwave “homemade” brownie in cup.

Balance come from knowing what you need from the inside to maintain your flow. Recognizing when you are teetering to one side is a cue to take a step back and re-evaluate what step you missed or jumped over to get ahead. Remember, It was not the Hare that won the race, but the tortoise. Take your time, allow the time to come in and out, step by step and you will reach your goal. It is the only way I can balance my life. If I can do it, so can you!

For more tips on how to balance motherhood and work, take a look at my clip for FOX13:

FOX 13 Now Advice for Mom’s Segment 9/5/2013