I once was a “Yes-girl”. You ask me to do something for you and I would turn myself into a pretzel to make that happen. I would turn my life inside out and upside down to make yours easier.
Then, I wondered why I was miserable, tired and unhappy. If I was doing all these kind things for people, how come it wasn’t making me feel good? I was doing them for all the wrongs reasons. In the midst of being kind and generous to others, I was forgetting something…myself.
Every time I said yes when I knew in my heart it was too much, a little piece of me died. Bit by bit, I sacrificed pieces of who I was and what I needed because I did not feel that my stuff was as important as someone else’s.
You know that moment when you are so preoccupied with all the stuff swirling in your head that you miss the door and walk into the wall instead. Yeah, that moment.
I hit that wall and it knocked a bit of sense into me. If I didn’t learn to take time for myself and respect what I needed to get done, how could I expect anyone else to? So, I started to say no…and it was hard. I felt fidgety and twisty inside each time I knew I had to do it. I didn’t want to disappoint any one or make them upset. I still, even now, feel that I am being selfish when I see that I have disappointed someone by not being able to acquiesce to their request.
Over time, I learned how to set boundaries in a way that honored me and my time, but wasn’t a harsh NO. If someone asked me to do something for them, I would gently tell them that I would need a day or 2 to see if or how I could work it out. I may already know at that moment that I can’t do it. However, by stating I needed some time before answering demonstrates that I value their request and also honor my time. If there is immediate push back for a quick yes, then it is easy for me to say “It’s unfortunate you feel that way. If you need an immediate answer this minute, then it will have to be no.”
People will not like it and will continue to push. You do not have to push back, just stand your ground. It is time to stand up for you, your time, and take care of your self.