My divorce is almost final, for the second time, but this time it is in Turkey. I received news this morning that my papers are on their way. Most people only get to go through this emotional upheaval once, but here I am, again, feeling the loss…saying good bye to that life. You would think that almost a year later, second time around, it would be easier. It is actually harder. There was so much high, intense emotion attached to the end of last years divorce that I refused to feel sad, to let it in so I could heal. As I moved through this year, growing, learning, loving, I gained so much more understanding of myself and what I needed to experience to be the person I am now. I became grateful and looked back on last year with more compassionate eyes at the whole experience. Now that each of us has moved from a point of anger to a point of acceptance, I am feeling the loss a bit stronger this time because I am softer.
I took some time to take out the wedding album, one last time, to remember for a little while that there was a lot of love a long time ago. I read the old cards and letters that I had saved over the years. I revisited memories of places we had gone by looking at our old tickets stubs.
Then, I said good bye to those two people in those pictures because they don’t really exist anymore except in those pictures and embody in our lovely little girl. I had a good cry, and let go….
It gets easier….eventually. Even after 4 years I still find random things in the house that at one point belonged to my ex-husband. These discoveries used to upset me….now I just get annoyed that I haven’t cleaned out that closet, or under the bed, or where-ever I found the object in so long.