My back was put against the wall this week about “success” by measuring my efforts vs results. Was I measuring up? Measuring up to what and by who’s standards were the questions that rumbled in my head. I became really indignant and felt that all my efforts were not enough according to standards I didn’t know I was being measured against.
In my mind, I was looking back to where I had been 6 months ago to where I am now and I saw a lot of movement and growth. I had pushed myself beyond my comfort zones, made connections in the weirdest circumstances and saw those seemingly disconnected associations flourish into possibility. Six months ago, I would not have imagined I would be where I was and met the people I have met.
Regardless of my growth factor, the tangible elements ($$) have not manifested so much yet. This was the crux of the conversation. Because the $$ wasn’t there, what haven’t I done or what more could I do were the questions. I hadn’t done enough.
I got very clear very quick with my successes in myself and knew that I was doing as much as I could, maybe pushing myself too much because I could feel myself slipping. I was trying to do so much with the time that I had that I was sleeping little and working late. The conversation had thrown me completely off balance that I needed to reflect and write what I thought were my Wins or success down and send them to my coach…was there something that I wasn’t doing or could do better because I was too close to see?
All of a sudden while I was driving home, the answer came to me. It was very simple actually. The answer came straight from Lesson one in a coaching session: When setting an agenda with a client, the measurements of success should originate from the client, not the coach.
I knew, internally, what my measurements of success were and I had pushed myself to reach for them. However, I was also being measured by someone else’s own measurements of success and my efforts vs results didn’t even out. I hadn’t measured up to that standard. Once I was able to get clear in my head this measuring system, I was able to let go of the “not enough” feeling.
Yes, I had felt knocked down, but I wasn’t down for long because I knew that I was doing the best I could with what I had all the while pushing myself to go farther.