Last night I got completely sucked into to Pinterest. Then I saw this quote. It added a serious tone to my otherwise playful romp through fun pictures and crazy recipes.
Wow! It made me sad to have someone [a picture quote] kind of put me in my place. Don’t get me wrong, I can honestly look at the progression of a failed relationship: Fall in love, stay together, people change, fall out of love, separate. In essence, each person has become strangers to each other, but there are memories that hold a space between them.
What do you do with all the memories of life together, mutual friends, other family members, etc? I am the memory keeper. I always have been. I hold images, sounds, smells, everything in my head and they come back to me in full force sometimes, good and bad. Interestingly enough, as time moves forward, the bad memories slip away and I find myself remembering the good stuff. And when I do, I share those happy memories with Mina. I think it is important for her to know there were so many happy times that her parents spent together.
What made me sad when I read that quote above is the concept that we are not “friends”. I understand that we are not who we once were, not who the other wanted us to be, but, out of respect for our old life and our child, can’t we meet again, on a different path, and figure out a way to finally accept each other for who we are, make peace with old hurts, and move forward as friends?
I have been having dreams lately, friendly dreams in which my Ex randomly stops by to say hello to Mina and stays for afternoon tea. Reconnecting on a new level, learning about how each of us fits in the other’s life in a new way, and creating a new dynamic that is inclusive of everyone (new partners and families) into a whole family structure.
Yes, I have a very Utopian view of family dynamics after divorce. I still have hope that one day we can all gather around a very long table and share a meal together.
Love your sentiments Elif.