Friday morning, I woke up, looked in the mirror and felt as if I was molting. Recuperating from an allergic reaction last week in which my face swelled and I had hives even on my eyelids, I had begun to shed the old skin. I felt like a reptile.
This got me thinking…Ironically, I began “shedding” my snake skin on the Chinese New year, The Year of the Horse (2014). It was as if I was shedding off The year of the Snake (2013), ready to release excess to gallop into the new year. Most of my friends and family seem to all be in flux as life situations shift and morph. It is as if we held on to that last bit of security in our lives until it served us no longer and began to slough off, leaving us vulnerable. There is a common notion that we all need to develop a thick skin to interact with the world. I think that’s bullshit. Creating an armor around you to keep people’s ideas or opinions of you out does not foster confidence, but insecurity. The more people develop armor, the more disconnected we all become because we close ourselves off from being empathetic. Empathy, “the ability to imagine oneself as another person,” creates understanding and compassion for another being.
Instead of telling our kids to develop a “thick skin”, maybe we should be fostering their esteem, their confidence in who they are. If they feel secure in who they are as individuals, then negative opinions can just be brushed away without even a thought about it. When you know who you are, you think less about how you are perceived by others. It takes a long time to come to that point. It is like the layers of the skin:
- Epidermis
- Dermis
- Hypo dermis
On an emotional level, the Hypo dermis is your subconscious, your limiting beliefs about yourself, and your esteem. Things are so deep that we don’t know why we react the way we do to certain triggers because it has been a belief system that slowly developed as we grew up. Moving up into the Dermis layer, there is consciousness, but vulnerability. If exposed to the elements, it could become infected, etc. So, we rely on our epidermis to protect us and keep us safe. However, there comes a time for transformation. The Epidermis sloughs off, exposing the under-layer for a brief moment. At that time, it is up to us to see how to proceed. Will we rebuild our armor, shielding us from anything that could hurt us?
I have watched my friend back home, shift her living situation, embracing vulnerability and allowing herself to become open to what comes next. The security of the known, even though dysfunctional, seemed easier to deal with then stepping out with out her environment armor.
Back on the home-front, dealing with transitioning kids into their own beds also creates discord within a parent. There is an emotional armor or security to having your child sleep with you. Releasing that need, creates and emptiness physically as well as emotionally.
Each of these examples triggers a flutter inside you because you cannot predict the outcome no matter how much you over think it. Unfortunately, life allows you only a given amount of time for you to do this on your own before it whacks you upside the head telling you to Get on with it!
For me, last weekend with the hives was my whack in the head to slow down and take care of myself. I was down for about 5 days and had to deal with the unsettled-ness of not being able to do any sort of work. “How can I get my life together and keep things moving if I am sick?” I kept asking myself. Deep from the recess of my mind, came the answer: Who are you trying to prove your worthiness to, yourself or other people?
There was my limiting belief, all swollen all over my face. I was working so hard to prove to other people that I can create my own self sustaining financial future. I had been told for so long that I needed to follow the norm, live within my box, to be financially stable or independent. Stepping out the way I am doing, creatively, inspired and following the Flow, does not come with a calculable outcome. I was determined to show everyone who was not comfortable with out of the box working that I could do it, fast, well, and on my own. My intention was not to create a future for myself with myself in mind, but to prove others wrong. That impeded my process until I hit that brick wall last week and was knocked down with hives all over my face. After childbirth, it was the next miserable experience I have had.
I got the message. Life is back to normal and I am working through the shedding process. It takes a lot of patience to shake off your old skin, metaphorically as well as physically. What is holding you back from your best life that you can release and shed?