This week would have been my 15 year anniversary. This week, my Ex re-marries. To say that there are a lot of mixed emotions would be an understatement.
My head houses so many memories, linked with feelings, that I can revisit in an instant. They make me smile, laugh out loud, wistful, and sad.
This morning, Mina and I revisted my wedding. I played our wedding song and we danced while I told her some funny stories about my wedding day: the drunk photographer who took tilted pictures, the other bride who mistakenly walked through our party to get to hers, and how hungry I was after the wedding was over because we never had time to sit and eat. I still remember being startled when the dj played our song because it came on so suddenly. Both of us, jumped in our seats, laughing at how silly we were as we moved toward the dance floor.
Mina saw that I got a bit emotional as we went back in time. I told her that I hold these happy memories in a special place in my heart. We were so young and innocent then, two naive youngsters in love with hope for the future. These are the moments I carry of her dad. I don’t want them overshadowed or forgotten because of how things are now. I am grateful for our time together. I wanted her to know that her dad and I shared some truly wonderful times together. I think its important to honor your past with your ex for your child’s sake. They need to know that there was once love there.
She asked me if I still had feeling for her dad since I was a bit teary listening to our song. I think on some level, I will always have feelings for her dad-they just shift from loving him to caring about his well being and happiness. I wish him happiness on his wedding and in his new marriage.
When he and I were talking of divorce, he said he didn’t want to be alone. I told him then that he would never be alone because he would always have me and Mina by his side supporting him in whatever he did because his happiness was important to us. Our post-divorce relationship has had more downs than ups, but I am still committed to what I said that day as we sat by the window under the sun: He will always have my support in whatever brings him happiness. Maybe I am being naive again believing that at some future time, anger can be released, memories can be honored, and we can come together as friends for Mina’s sake as well as for our own.