When you are with someone and quiet moments come, do you feel uncomfortable or settle in and enjoy?
It really depends on the person you are with, I guess. Sometimes, quiet moments make me talk even more, super fast to move through that moment ever so quickly.
Other times, quiet spaces in between words feels like I am settling in to a comfortable hug. That was yesterday.
Alex and I spent the afternoon in the back yard cleaning out the area behind the Garage. That area will eventually become the girls play area as well as the location of our soon-to-be-built chicken coop.
Anyone who knows either of us, know that he and I love projects…we probably have enough house and garden projects to keep us busy for a few years. When we begin our work, together but separately, there is a constant energy flow and concentration that very often means we become quiet, each working on our portion for the day. There is a great comfort to know someone well enough and be comfortable with not having to talk. It shows confidence in who we are within ourselves to be able to work independently, together, without the Ego’s influence or needs for affirmations. Neither has ambitions to control how the other does their job. It is a quiet understanding and respect for the other’s abilities and capabilities to do the work, however it works.
Going deeper into the psychology of the relationship, it touches upon a theme of “change” and “control.” More often than not, one or both people in a relationship try to change the other. This leads to a power struggle and will eventually lead to conflict. This time around, I have become more accepting in general and have no interest in control. I remember one time Alex and I met friends out for dinner. One of Alex’s friends was scolding him to behave in a certain way. Alex understood from the very beginning that I accepted him for who he was and matter-of-factly responded to his friend: Elif likes and accepts me for WHO I AM and doesn’t want to change me. So why should I change for you!
Acceptance for who each other is becomes essential in allowing for full relaxation into your Self and fully embrace the other. In that acceptance, we find that peace and love fill up those quiet spaces, making those moments more meaningful.