Last night I met with an old friend whom I haven’t seen in over 20 years. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in so long, our lives seemed to parallel each others in the past few years. Divorce threw us for a whirlwind in which we needed to regain our footing.
Her parents passed years ago and she was alone to pick up the pieces, just as I was alone with no family out in Utah. The common theme over our sangria’s was: When you are alone, being strong is the only choice you have. You have to be strong for yourself, your child(ren), and forge your own way. There is no time to sit, wallow, and whine.
Both of us have made to the other side of divorce and are developing blended families of our own. It was comforting to be able talk about that full circle process. There are so many tangents to blending 2 families together that only someone going through it would understand.
We met down in Pawtuxet Village near our houses and I chose to walk home in the cool night air. Divorce is the easy part, there are definable stages and then it’s done. There is no manual for life after divorce, let alone how to merge families. “Is this the best way to handle this? How do we deal with that?…” are constant questions that are always present. To have the opportunity to talk with someone else, someone you can be completely open and honest with, is invaluable and validating.
I don’t really like using the term”push through” because I feel it doesn’t honor the healing process. However, when you are alone dealing with a divorce, the healing process seems more accelerated because there is more at stake.The end goal of happiness and clarity is the driving force to work through and let go of the pain at a faster clip. So much time was lost living in a loveless marriage that you just want to be free to live.
I just wonder if that is one of the main reasons we were able to find our selves, get rooted, and grow again. Maybe life after divorce isn’t about agonizing over all the went wrong, who was at fault, etc. Maybe it’s about cutting the losses, honoring the good times, and letting go of the past. It’s only when you truly let go in your heart that you are truly open to receive.