Yes, I know the common quote: You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.
However, my shoulders are only about 14 inches wide and they feel heavy from the weight. How much of this is me positioning myself to take on more than necessary? How much of this is placed upon me to carry..because I “can”? At this point, it’s just heavy.
This week, while Hugo is visiting, we have had lots of though provoking, deep conversations about life in general. He asks me how I can stand all and keep my footing with the tornado of craziness swirling around me, coming from all directions. It is like Dorothy’s tornado from OZ. When I think of that scene in the movie, I see a huge whirling tornado, picking up everything in its path, even her house. Me, I am the eye of the hurricane, keeping calm and still as things are swung here & there around me, face forward, slowly stepping..marking my steps carefully. From the outside looking in, all you can see are the strong emotional winds carrying everyone’s “issues and problems” at great speed around me, yet I still have my feet on the ground. I carry it.
I find a spot in the future and keep my eyes on it, like a Ballerina spotting herself before each twirl so she doesn’t get dizzy. Maybe that’s what I do. I spot myself to keep me steady and grounded. If I waver, like I am feeling right now, then I lose my footing.
I don’t do so well with so much in a short period of time. My Tolerance for the bedtime drama with sleepovers is at it’s limit, concerns for Mina expressed by others ~heavy, my grandfather’s death~sad, understanding my position in Alex’s life~confusing at times, protecting my family from negative influences~exhausting.
I will figure it out, I always do, but for right now…I just need a break. Taking a time out for Being Strong and having a cup of tea, ok?
So true. We are always strong and keep going and fightnthe battle of the mind. BUT I also need time out some days. A cup of tea is always smoothing. I decided a week ago when the deep emotions were just too many and wrapped me with a heave blanket to just accept it. I managed my down time by taking it as it came. But I made a strong decision that is not a permanent down-time and by the third day the tornado calmed down.
Taking time for tea and yourself helps you weather the storms. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember, but so beneficial! Be well!
Blessings and hugs are at your back to help you move through the storms,
elif