It is 4:15 on a Tuesday. There are so many things that I should be doing. I should be doing laundry. I should be figuring out dinner. I should take control of my house back from the recent ant invaders. I can’t. I just need to write. I had a very angry day yesterday. Boy did I hold onto that with two hands for a good 2 hours. My head was swirling with stories..Who’s stories: Yours? Mine? Ours? Theirs?
I kept seeing this quote [above] in various forms over the course of the afternoon yesterday and today. What does that mean? Those stories we build piece by piece in our mind are true for us and develop their own foundation from those emotions surrounding it. Soon, it becomes THE truth from which we refer and draw experience from. Do we tell ourselves stories in a certain way to help us deal with the pain of the situation, making it easier to project outward rather than reflect inward?
My tornado of emotions yesterday whipped the words “But that’s not true!” over and over. It is hard to take that step over the threshold to the point where you can say: Our truths may be different, but how can we come back to middle ground to understand the emotions that feed your truth. What do you need from me to calm that fire of indignity? We are not both right in our truth, we are both wrong: The “truth” is neither, but an accumulation of resentment and emotion attached to a single moment(s) in time.
The fight to be right is a silent one. It is like a silent war between a select few. There is strategy in correspondence, strategy with wording to speak to one, silently, as you speak to the others, and strategy to what standard you hold yourself. It’s exhausting. Maybe a truce comes when we can all respect our own stories as a tool to help us heal, not to hurt. Our stories bring us comfort. This comfort can helps us move forward with a lesson or hold us back if it is used as a crutch.
Somehow, hearing this song made me take notice of my participation in my own sort of war. It created awareness that that is not who I am and I just need to let go…to let it be..