It’s been exactly 4 years since Mina’s dad moved out and we had just filed for divorce. Instead of getting the house filled up with holiday trimmings and and presents, it was slowly being emptied out bit by bit as Mina’s dad slowly moved his stuff out of the house at night after Mina and I went to sleep.
The house filled in the empty spaces with stress and tension. I remember one day talking to my parents on the phone who were schedualed to fly out to Utah that christmas. My dad could sense how stressful this divorce had become in such a short time, that maybe it would be too stressful for me to have them fly out. All I needed was for things to be normal again, but I didn’t know what normal was anymore. All I knew was that I didn’t want to cry on Christmas anymore and it had been years since there had been any joy around the holiday. I needed them to come and I needed to feel the christmas spirit again. I can still be taken back to that time each time I hear the Christmas Carol “Need a little Christmas.” It was playing after I got off the phone with my parents that night we almost canceled christmas. I was crying so much that I had to move from tissues to a dish towl- Big problems need big booger rags, you know! I was a site to see: crying, singing, blowing my nose in my towel with my cat sitting on the table in front of me licking my tears! After awhile, the tears turned to laughter as I began to laugh at the dark comedy of it all.
We didn’t cancel Christmas and Mina’s dad actually joined us Christmas morning. Ironically, it was one of the better holidays we spent together as we began to say goodbye to our life together.
I still feel the emotions from that time in my throat whenever I hear that song, but we have all come a long way since then. Hitting the bottom was just the beginning of something new.