For years, I was that girl: the one who always said yes. It was easier. Stress came when I tried to say no. A looming tidal wave of negative energy would build up from the other person if there was even a hint of a “no”. It was intimidating so I always backed off, retreated, and said yes.
What I learned was that my needs and opinions needed to be shut down, closed off for others to maintain their happiness. That only works until the dam breaks and the only thing you can say is “Dammit! I said no!” and stand your ground.
It is shocking to the other’s system when Yes-girl says no. Confusion crinkles their noses as they scratch their head wondering “what just happened here?”
“Yes girl,” me, grew up, realized my own self worth and that I didn’t need to participate in every argument I was invited to. What a revelation!!
Thus, began a new way of interaction, at least from my perspective. I would ask myself these questions: Is this in the best interest of my child? Who is benefiting? How does this affect my schedule?
Sometimes my No is met with resistance and even anger. I had been clear, hadn’t I? Then, the light-bulb went off: This isn’t my stuff. Resistance came from insecurities, needs, and a need for control. I could let it go and walk away from the instigated argument.
Knowing that the emotional need for justification was not coming from me was emancipating. I have learned a lot from one little word: No.
This is what I learned:
- I learned that standing my ground for what I need is not being selfish.
- My needs are just as important as another’s needs.
- I learned the true value in saying “yes” when it really resonates with who I am inside. That’s where connectivity between individuals lay.
When you can truly say “Yes I can help you” with all your heart, two souls meet and lift each other up.