A child’s bed time and a mama’s patience. Been there? Thought so…
After years of battling, Mina is now an easy kid to get to sleep. Kiss kiss, hug,nightlight-Check, Lights out. There are some days when she feels a bit nervous and asks a million questions before bed, 99% of which she already knows the answer for. Last night was one of those nights. As she began her round of questions, I needed to let her know that I was tired, my brain was full to overloading from an earlier conversation, that I needed her to take her questions into the other room and say them to herself. Kindly remove yourself and button-pushing questions to another area of our living space was actually what I was saying in my head.
How is it that when I feel most clear and calm about my patience level, a child finds that “a challenge?” Following me around, asking me the same questions, I finally sit at the table to answer them so we can move through this bed time process. As I am answering, the fidgeting starts: swirling books on the table, piling and unpiling “Please stop.” , “I am asking you to stop,” [removing the books from reach], are there any more questions? Arms and hands are now swirling on the table in imaginary patterns. “Please …Stop”. Finally, I take her wrists to stop the swirling on the table and she wiggles her fingers. Yup. Button pushed. Deep breath..
Quietly, I ask Mina: Has Mommy been clear about her patience level in regards to your questions? She nods, but her fingers keep wiggling. I continue: Has this wiggling and fidgeting helped you or helped Mama maintain her patience? Shaking her head NO, the wiggling fingers begin to slowdown. Are you pushing my buttons with this wiggling to see how far you can go before I get grumpy?
All of a sudden, she stops and her eyes get wide! She nods a big YES! So, If I am understandingly you correctly, you are actually trying to push my buttons and make me grumpy. How come? Now she actually has to think about her motivations behind the action. Ok, Let’s pull it around from another angle: Can you remember a time when someone pushed your buttons, you asked them to stop and they didn’t? Yes? How did you feel? [understanding dawns!] Is that how you want mommy to feel just before going to bed?
She calms down. I calm down and we made it through. Phew! Damn that was hard. Mama needed a big cup of tea after that one. I am glad we were able to talk and walk through it, and it probably only took a few minutes. However, maintaining patience through those minutes to speak the words and be heard was hard, but worth it in the end.