There are so many stories. My story, your story, the bits and pieces of each that overlap in some sort of truth. Stories are told from our own perspective and stories can change because people change. I think what is the hardest part in divorce is seeing someone change in ways that they don’t fit your story anymore. We want to hold onto that story because somehow that validates the hurt we felt. We don’t want to see or hear that people change because that might mean our feelings don’t matter.
I have a story. In my story, Mina’s father was not involved with Mina as a baby. Didn’t want to hold her because she was “boring, just a lump,” and what was he supposed do with “that.” Yes, he called her a “that.” In my story, I wasn’t welcomed to sleep in a bed after Mina was born and had to sleep in a recliner or on the floor so he could get appropriate sleep to provide for us.
Over the years, I had seen him grow and change in to a better dad for Mina, but I still had my story. I thought I had moved past things, allowed for growth, but I was wrong. I didn’t realized that I hadn’t let go of the story until the story changed.
He had another baby. Boy, did that bring up all the hurts I had thought I had blissfully let go of..I still had more healing to do.
Over the past few months, I would smile and listen to Mina talk about how he rushes home to hold the baby or to give her a bath. I heard all the things about how fun and loving and engaging life with baby was as I would smile, and say “I’m so glad you have a baby sister and things are going well!” Then, I would excuse myself and go to the bathroom and cry. I would cry all over again because it brought so much to the surface. There were two different stories now: One of an absent husband/father to a story of the supportive, loving husband.
What I learned is that one story does not negate the other. It becomes the story of letting go and allowing for growth. I know my truth and I know that without all that happened, I wouldn’t be who I am or doing what I do today.
As I was scrolling through instagram today, I landed on this quote that sums it up perfectly :
“Life doesn’t give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need; to help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you and to help you grow into the person you were meant to be.”
So, my tip for today is to be open to understanding why things happened, grateful for the lessons, and learn to let go of the story. There is a purpose behind it all, even if you haven’t discovered it yet.